I read this article and being a vegetarian myself, I found it so very sad that this behaviour is okay. Why is it okay to question a vegetarian on their reasons and morals with respect to food, but it's not okay to question a person's religious beliefs? Why is it okay to react to vegetarianism with "Good for you I could never give up meat" and it's not okay to do the same thing to (non)religious people.
This might seem like a very strange comparison and contrast, but I like a challenge and lately I've noticed some similarities.
Disclaimer: I'm also an atheist (for those of you who are new here).
Some of the stories contained in the above, linked article describe outright discrimination and sneaky subterfuge, example the old grandmother sneaking finely minced chicken into a vegetarian dish because "everyone needs to eat meat."Hold the bloody phone. Not everyone needs to eat meat. Eating meat is a choice as is not eating it. We all have our reasons for not eating meat and they vary widely but usually have some sort of moral or personal ethos at their core. To tell someone they're wrong, foolish or malnourished suggests that vegetarians can't take care of themselves, that we haven't thought this through or that we're going against instinct because people have always eaten meat. Always.
I've been vegetarian (not vegan) for almost 13 years now. That's a long time and when I first started this dietary adventure it never occurred to me that I would change my mind and go back to eating meat. I knew that there was a risk that I may not be able to eat meat any more after a certain amount of time, I'm certain my belly would revolt for a while if I were faced with having to eat dead animals again. And this was a choice I made quite easily and have never regretted it.
I have been an Atheist for even longer, 20 years now. It was a choice I made quite easily as well. Also I've never regretted this decision. These two choices I've made, I've never ever felt a need to ever re-evaluate them. And I still don't. These are the two best decisions I've ever made in my life or possibly ever will make.
I get the comments and questions about one, but not the other. Both are just as unconventional and against the supposed grain and yet no one either wants to know about my lack of religion or just doesn't want to have that conversation because it's one of those things you don't discuss in polite company. Oh but my dietary choices? That's fair game. Think about it for a second. I'll wait.
Here are some of the the comments I get most often. At the lunch table in cafeteria's when meat-eating co-workers are having meaty things. "Does my food offend you, I'm so sorry to eat this in front of you?" My answer is usually something along the lines of "I don't have to eat it/I don't care what you eat." Apply that question to Atheism "Does my religion offend you? I'm sorry for practicing it right in front of you." Who would say that? No one. Because people have the freedom to practice their religion without fear of discrimination.
Another gem. "I could never give up steak, it's so delicious. Don't you miss it?" My answer is always a polite no I don't miss it, instead of the thought of eating dead flesh turns my stomach. Flip that around "I could never give up God, he's so awesome. Don't you miss him?" Who would say that? No one. Because the initial reactions I got to being an atheist was "you're going to hell". Quite the empty threat for an Atheist, but I digress.
The only comment parallel I can almost make is this one, "can't you just pick the meat off?" This one usually comes up when there's something served with meat like pizza with pepperoni or salads that have chicken on them. My answer is always: No. I can't. I say this instead of asking them if they would like to pick raw, maggoty road kill of their food before they eat it. Because I'm nice like that and usually people are eating when this question gets asked. Now let's flip that one around. "Can't you just ignore the religious parts?"Yes. Yes I can. I do this every day. All day. Regardless of how I feel about religion.
I'm expected to do this. We are all expected to do this and it's called respect for other people's beliefs. So why is it okay for people to make these sorts of comments about a person's dietary choices. I'm not the only vegetarian in the world who gets asked these questions. If you want to be religious and/or eat meat that's fine, you go right ahead and do that on your own because as a human being you do have the right to make these choices. I do not have an agenda that I wish to impose on anyone. I do not ask meat eaters why they eat meat during meal times. I do not ask Christians, Jews or Muslims why they believe what they do while they worship.
Because that would be rude.
Just about everyone who knows me has asked the above questions or made these comments. And many of them are going to read this entry. I want you all to know I'm not annoyed with you specifically. I'm not terribly offended (maybe a little tired after 13 years of being asked the same questions and giving the same answers and I grant that sometimes it's just plain old curiosity on the other person's part). It just occurred to me that there was a parallel here and a sudden realization that one of these lines of questioning was 'okay' and one of them is not.
Food for thought.
Wednesday 30 January 2013
Saturday 19 January 2013
Four Eyes
Disclaimer: I wear glasses. I have worn them for more than half of my life. I can get away with taking them off. I'm not wearing them right now, but I wouldn't dare drive without them and movies just look better with them on. I've also had my share of battles with acne.
Today rant is about the notion that glasses make you look smarter and who looks like a real nerd with glasses on. This is partially triggered by this combination of images. And I apologize in advance if anyone here is triggered too.
I am growing weary of the notion that 'nerds' are sexy and that it's become a fashion statement. In someways Big Bang Theory and the rise of geek culture has only fanned these flames. I have nothing against either of these things. I love the show, I'm a proud geek about many things, and I think intellect is a serious turn on. However, social awkwardness and visual impairment are not fashion statements. They are not a persona you can just slip into because it's trendy. You can't just put on a pair of glasses and call it "geek chique" nor should you post pictures of yourself wearing said specs on the internet and caption it "I'm a nerd now, lol!"
It's one of the most distasteful things you can do, topping that off is contrasting that level of stupidity by posting it with an image of a supposedly "real nerd". That dude with the acne, braces and glasses might not have even been a nerd. I can promise you he was probably socially awkward only because I was once a teenager and we were all like that to some degree, but people grow out of these things. And this guy may or may not feel good about this photo from their childhood being used to point out how silly it is to think Geek is a fashion choice.
I have news for you. Neither person in that photo set is a nerd. The woman in the top image is someone with macular degeneration (or pretending to for the trendiness of it), the boy in the bottom image is just that, a boy. He may have had interesting intellectual pursuits or solitary hobbies, maybe he played with model air planes or video games. Maybe not.
Maybe he was dumb as a post. Maybe the woman has a PhD. I don't know that for sure. And neither do you.
And that's the point.
Some people choose to wear glasses (instead of contacts). Some people have acne (most of us grow out of it eventually). Some people get braces. This is not the nerd trifecta. Having glasses does not make you smarter. Having acne does not make you a socially awkward out cast who will forever be alone. Having braces will only be painful and put cob corn and apples on the no-no list, it will not enhance your IQ or make you less interesting.
I grow weary of "geek chique". It's based on the assumption that anyone who wears glasses must obviously feel inferior about it, so let's give them some time in the sun for once. As if all the bullies in school that went into marketing suddenly felt bad about picking on the kids with glasses and braces and decided that they would do geek culture a favour by making them fashionable and desirable for once.
There's an uglier side of this as well. Not just those whose glasses were just a part of their daily life, but the sudden surge of love for geeky guys, or at least the appearance of them. The notion has been proposed that these girls don't love geeky guys, if they were put in a room with a bunch of guys who had raging cystic acne and coke-bottle glasses, they'd be exposed for the frauds they are. Which just reinforces the stereotype that all true nerds, geeks, dorks and dweebs will only ever truly be those that are cursed with poor skin/crazy hormones or who've inherited their parents' macular degeneration.
No.
I don't care what you look like, how thick your glasses are or the condition of your skin or whether or not you were born with perfect straight teeth. These things are irrelevant. What makes you a geek or a nerd is how passionate you are about something. Anything. It's intellect and passion for something that defines which of the aforementioned adjectives you want to use to describe yourself. And if you don't want to use any of them, good for you. You don't have to and no one has the right to affix one of them to you. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the hardware on your face.
Today rant is about the notion that glasses make you look smarter and who looks like a real nerd with glasses on. This is partially triggered by this combination of images. And I apologize in advance if anyone here is triggered too.
I am growing weary of the notion that 'nerds' are sexy and that it's become a fashion statement. In someways Big Bang Theory and the rise of geek culture has only fanned these flames. I have nothing against either of these things. I love the show, I'm a proud geek about many things, and I think intellect is a serious turn on. However, social awkwardness and visual impairment are not fashion statements. They are not a persona you can just slip into because it's trendy. You can't just put on a pair of glasses and call it "geek chique" nor should you post pictures of yourself wearing said specs on the internet and caption it "I'm a nerd now, lol!"
It's one of the most distasteful things you can do, topping that off is contrasting that level of stupidity by posting it with an image of a supposedly "real nerd". That dude with the acne, braces and glasses might not have even been a nerd. I can promise you he was probably socially awkward only because I was once a teenager and we were all like that to some degree, but people grow out of these things. And this guy may or may not feel good about this photo from their childhood being used to point out how silly it is to think Geek is a fashion choice.
I have news for you. Neither person in that photo set is a nerd. The woman in the top image is someone with macular degeneration (or pretending to for the trendiness of it), the boy in the bottom image is just that, a boy. He may have had interesting intellectual pursuits or solitary hobbies, maybe he played with model air planes or video games. Maybe not.
Maybe he was dumb as a post. Maybe the woman has a PhD. I don't know that for sure. And neither do you.
And that's the point.
Some people choose to wear glasses (instead of contacts). Some people have acne (most of us grow out of it eventually). Some people get braces. This is not the nerd trifecta. Having glasses does not make you smarter. Having acne does not make you a socially awkward out cast who will forever be alone. Having braces will only be painful and put cob corn and apples on the no-no list, it will not enhance your IQ or make you less interesting.
I grow weary of "geek chique". It's based on the assumption that anyone who wears glasses must obviously feel inferior about it, so let's give them some time in the sun for once. As if all the bullies in school that went into marketing suddenly felt bad about picking on the kids with glasses and braces and decided that they would do geek culture a favour by making them fashionable and desirable for once.
There's an uglier side of this as well. Not just those whose glasses were just a part of their daily life, but the sudden surge of love for geeky guys, or at least the appearance of them. The notion has been proposed that these girls don't love geeky guys, if they were put in a room with a bunch of guys who had raging cystic acne and coke-bottle glasses, they'd be exposed for the frauds they are. Which just reinforces the stereotype that all true nerds, geeks, dorks and dweebs will only ever truly be those that are cursed with poor skin/crazy hormones or who've inherited their parents' macular degeneration.
No.
I don't care what you look like, how thick your glasses are or the condition of your skin or whether or not you were born with perfect straight teeth. These things are irrelevant. What makes you a geek or a nerd is how passionate you are about something. Anything. It's intellect and passion for something that defines which of the aforementioned adjectives you want to use to describe yourself. And if you don't want to use any of them, good for you. You don't have to and no one has the right to affix one of them to you. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the hardware on your face.
Tuesday 15 January 2013
VD... It's coming.
No, not venereal disease. Anyone who's smart, safe, lucky and responsible can avoid that. Valentine's Day is a little harder to dodge with out a deprivation chamber or living in a cave or spending a month with your eyes shut tight, your fingers in your ears and going "lalalala I can't hear you". Valentine's Day is the ultimate marketing success, anyone can exploit this day for a sale or a deal, it's guaranteed income for a day for those in the restaurant and flower and possibly even horse-drawn carriage businesses.
It's a day that preys on those who still cling to the Hollywood ideals of romance and their pocket books. All over North America husbands and boyfriends are going to find themselves in big trouble for either forgetting it (not sure how that's possible with how prevalent it is everywhere you go) or for not doing enough to mark the day.
It's a day that once had some meaning loosely tied to St. Valentine. This may be why so few people call it St. Valentine's Day, equal parts laziness, typography, and having little do to with St. Valentine himself. Now it's just an excuse to buy your sweetie flowers and chocolate and expensive dinner. Some might even use it as an excuse to propose marriage, thereby getting in the black of their significant other's good books in the romance department for a good amount of time.
I think it will surprise no one to find that I hate Valentine's Day. Okay, fine. Hate is a strong word. I have hated it in the past, vehemently hated it. In school I never got many paper valentines, I never had a boyfriend in school (all of it up to after college) so Valentine's Day always seemed to me to be a way for the world to collectively point out how lonely I am. Thanks world, everyone else is happily paired in varying degrees of love from "puppy" to "deeply in" and I am woefully not.
I've been in relationships when Valentine's Day comes around and I've told my partners they were off the hook when it came to Valentine's Day I don't care for the "holiday" and expect nothing. I made it clear that this wasn't some strange reverse psychology trick either. I really don't care about the day and will happily treat it like any other day. If they wanted to do something special and/or romantic my birthday is just 10 days later and I'll be much more appreciative of romantic gestures then. I haven't met many partners that cared about Valentine's Day either so I've never been too concerned that I was ruining it for them. If I was they didn't tell me so.
This year, I am not in a Capital R Relationship for Valentine's Day. This will be the first time in almost four years. Now simply because I don't like celebrating it financially and with chocolate and flowers, this does not mean I am not keenly aware of the imposing sentiment or blind to the romantic things my friends and their significant others or other couples are engaged in. And it will always bother and annoy me, but never as much as it does when I am single.
A thought occurred to me earlier today when I realized that this dreadful day is looming. I have an online dating profile and it's been intentionally dormant for a few months, for reasons I don't think I have to explain here. I thought maybe I should resuscitate it, but doing so this close to Valentine's Day... I feel like it would leave me vulnerable to too many people desperately seeking someone for Valentine's Day. And I wish them the best of luck in their endeavours, but I'd be wary that it was only a move of desperation (ie. a hook-up) and not really what I want. Why put myself in that line of fire? There's also the very real danger that I become what I wish to avoid in a late-night, sleep-deprived saving throw at my loneliness.
No. I do not want to stoop to that level. I almost feel bad for saying that, assuming that people who just want to get a little action for Valentine's Day (or even VD if they're not careful) are lonely, desperate people. People who've probably had profiles for a long time and not just in a mad dash to find someone to share the Hallmark Holiday with. No, I don't want to have to say no (if I need to) to people who are so hopeful already at a time of year that makes people feel extra emotionally vulnerable, myself included.
If I could spend that day with my head under a blanket, I probably would. It would be nice to have someone else under there with me and even better still if they wanted to make a for reals blanket fort, but that's not where I am right now and that's okay too. I will spend that day at work, doing my job. I will come home and probably avoid any unnecessary 'internetting' and go to bed. I will take a day to love and be nice to myself because I am awesome and totally worth it.
If you're alone that day, for whatever reason, it's a day for love so they say, don't forget to love yourself. On February 14 and every other day too.
It's a day that preys on those who still cling to the Hollywood ideals of romance and their pocket books. All over North America husbands and boyfriends are going to find themselves in big trouble for either forgetting it (not sure how that's possible with how prevalent it is everywhere you go) or for not doing enough to mark the day.
It's a day that once had some meaning loosely tied to St. Valentine. This may be why so few people call it St. Valentine's Day, equal parts laziness, typography, and having little do to with St. Valentine himself. Now it's just an excuse to buy your sweetie flowers and chocolate and expensive dinner. Some might even use it as an excuse to propose marriage, thereby getting in the black of their significant other's good books in the romance department for a good amount of time.
I think it will surprise no one to find that I hate Valentine's Day. Okay, fine. Hate is a strong word. I have hated it in the past, vehemently hated it. In school I never got many paper valentines, I never had a boyfriend in school (all of it up to after college) so Valentine's Day always seemed to me to be a way for the world to collectively point out how lonely I am. Thanks world, everyone else is happily paired in varying degrees of love from "puppy" to "deeply in" and I am woefully not.
I've been in relationships when Valentine's Day comes around and I've told my partners they were off the hook when it came to Valentine's Day I don't care for the "holiday" and expect nothing. I made it clear that this wasn't some strange reverse psychology trick either. I really don't care about the day and will happily treat it like any other day. If they wanted to do something special and/or romantic my birthday is just 10 days later and I'll be much more appreciative of romantic gestures then. I haven't met many partners that cared about Valentine's Day either so I've never been too concerned that I was ruining it for them. If I was they didn't tell me so.
This year, I am not in a Capital R Relationship for Valentine's Day. This will be the first time in almost four years. Now simply because I don't like celebrating it financially and with chocolate and flowers, this does not mean I am not keenly aware of the imposing sentiment or blind to the romantic things my friends and their significant others or other couples are engaged in. And it will always bother and annoy me, but never as much as it does when I am single.
A thought occurred to me earlier today when I realized that this dreadful day is looming. I have an online dating profile and it's been intentionally dormant for a few months, for reasons I don't think I have to explain here. I thought maybe I should resuscitate it, but doing so this close to Valentine's Day... I feel like it would leave me vulnerable to too many people desperately seeking someone for Valentine's Day. And I wish them the best of luck in their endeavours, but I'd be wary that it was only a move of desperation (ie. a hook-up) and not really what I want. Why put myself in that line of fire? There's also the very real danger that I become what I wish to avoid in a late-night, sleep-deprived saving throw at my loneliness.
No. I do not want to stoop to that level. I almost feel bad for saying that, assuming that people who just want to get a little action for Valentine's Day (or even VD if they're not careful) are lonely, desperate people. People who've probably had profiles for a long time and not just in a mad dash to find someone to share the Hallmark Holiday with. No, I don't want to have to say no (if I need to) to people who are so hopeful already at a time of year that makes people feel extra emotionally vulnerable, myself included.
If I could spend that day with my head under a blanket, I probably would. It would be nice to have someone else under there with me and even better still if they wanted to make a for reals blanket fort, but that's not where I am right now and that's okay too. I will spend that day at work, doing my job. I will come home and probably avoid any unnecessary 'internetting' and go to bed. I will take a day to love and be nice to myself because I am awesome and totally worth it.
If you're alone that day, for whatever reason, it's a day for love so they say, don't forget to love yourself. On February 14 and every other day too.
Thursday 10 January 2013
Project Girly: Decriminalizing Pink
I've never been 'girly'. As a child I had Barbies and dolls. I wasn't as interested in them as I was in my lego, GI Joes and Transformers. I didn't get excited about wearing a pretty dress on the first day of school. It was just clothing. I preferred exploring the neighbourhood, riding my bike, climbing trees and building forts to playing dress up or thinking about my body image in a negative way. I don't remember caring much about it when I was a kid. It wasn't an issue. Mom and Dad didn't pressure me to girly in anyway if I didn't want to. I have to say — and will repeat often — I won the parents lottery, they got it mostly right.
Whether I was dressed only in pink as a baby is irrelevant. I don't remember and I don't care. At at that time I think my mother was more concerned that I was dressed appropriately for the climate. Colour was irrelevant. Still is. These days I go for dark rich colours because this is my preference. There was a time when I would go out of my way to turn my nose up at things that were pink. I perceived them as excessively girly and that was just not who I was. I didn't really understand why at the time, but I had this obsessive dislike for things that were pink.
A few of the going theories are: It's pink and I am female therefore I should like it and if I don't then there's something wrong with me. Am I not a proper or complete female? This mutated into: It's pink and marketed to my demographic specifically and I hate it, therefore I don't fit in that little demographic box which, as I got more comfortable with the Black Sheep label I'd affixed on myself, I wore that hatred of all things pink (and therefore *ugh* girly) with pride. I didn't need to be girly, I was a woman dammit and I didn't need a colour to prove that I had mammaries and a vagina.
It was more than a colour issue, it was being girly. I started to see this as such a weakness that I was so proud to not be afflicted with and my lack of anything pink at all only proved it. I was a strong woman who didn't need to have pink things and I could still be fantastically feminine without it. I resented the marketing ploy to my gender. I don't care what colour an item is, if it's something I want/need what I couldn't stand was there being a pink version of it just for women. Why is there an option? When the choice is black or pink, dude I will always pick black. I felt a tiny bit of shame on behalf of my gender when I saw women wearing pink, they fell for it. It never occurred to me that they might actually like things that are pink.
I can admit now, that I own one pink shirt. One. I bought it because I liked the red pattern on the front of it and it wasn't frilly or lacy so that made it okay. It wasn't too girly.
And there's the nugget of this post, the little gem. It's not just a colour I was opposed to, it was every thing it represents: being "girly". Wearing frilly clothes with puffy shoulders and lace or sequins and ribbons. I was too comfortable in my jeans and t-shirts and sneakers or boots. I skipped the notion of girly when I was actually still a girl. In high-school I wore baggy clothes, it was extremely rare that people saw that I had a figure. It wasn't an issue with my body image, I was just comfortable and I didn't want any one to look down on me for being girly like I was doing to everyone else that was "girly".
That's awful. I know it.
In the last four years or so I've had very short hair. A hair style widely criticized in the media for not being feminine enough (as if it was our duty or as if short hair was the domain of men only) or immediately equated with being a lesbian by people with fewer than three braincells to rub together. I often wondered if I was being mistaken for a male, I don't have very large breasts, but I don't wear the baggy clothes anymore so at least people can see my curves if there was any doubt. Because of this gender ambiguity, I started a personal quest a couple of years ago: Project Girly. I was going to prove that I could still be me and look like a woman once in a while. See what all the fuss was about.
Project girly meant making a conscious effort to see what I'd missed out on all these years I spent pretending I didn't like girly things. I made a personal rule that I was going to wear a dress or a skirt at least once a week. At first people asked me if there was some special occasion, I got tired of just saying "because I feel like it" and explained Project Girly to those who asked persistently. I slowly built a wardrobe of "not pants". I even acquired a pair of high heels. My only pair. I managed to keep this up for a whole year. It wasn't too bad. When I was younger and I wore a skirt I usually couldn't wait to get home and put on some damn pants, but I wasn't wearing comfortable dresses or skirts. I know better now. I have a good collection now of not pants, and when I see a dress in a store that I like, I want to wear it and try to think of an excuse if it's really fancy.
There are so many ways women put each other down and throw out value judgements like they were disposable. We all have an idea of what women should be like. Regardless of where or how we acquired those value judgements they have no right being affixed to anyone other than ourselves. Women are just as guilty of slut shaming based on appearance as men are. The opposite is also true, I don't want to say how often I've felt pressured to try to look more like a woman, for once. We can either be dammed if we do or dammed if we don't when it comes to "looking like women". Or, and this might be a tough one for some to do, we can just be happy and comfortable in our skins and our clothes and not put anyone else down for being comfortable in their own skin and clothes.
Radical... I know, but not impossible.
Whether I was dressed only in pink as a baby is irrelevant. I don't remember and I don't care. At at that time I think my mother was more concerned that I was dressed appropriately for the climate. Colour was irrelevant. Still is. These days I go for dark rich colours because this is my preference. There was a time when I would go out of my way to turn my nose up at things that were pink. I perceived them as excessively girly and that was just not who I was. I didn't really understand why at the time, but I had this obsessive dislike for things that were pink.
A few of the going theories are: It's pink and I am female therefore I should like it and if I don't then there's something wrong with me. Am I not a proper or complete female? This mutated into: It's pink and marketed to my demographic specifically and I hate it, therefore I don't fit in that little demographic box which, as I got more comfortable with the Black Sheep label I'd affixed on myself, I wore that hatred of all things pink (and therefore *ugh* girly) with pride. I didn't need to be girly, I was a woman dammit and I didn't need a colour to prove that I had mammaries and a vagina.
It was more than a colour issue, it was being girly. I started to see this as such a weakness that I was so proud to not be afflicted with and my lack of anything pink at all only proved it. I was a strong woman who didn't need to have pink things and I could still be fantastically feminine without it. I resented the marketing ploy to my gender. I don't care what colour an item is, if it's something I want/need what I couldn't stand was there being a pink version of it just for women. Why is there an option? When the choice is black or pink, dude I will always pick black. I felt a tiny bit of shame on behalf of my gender when I saw women wearing pink, they fell for it. It never occurred to me that they might actually like things that are pink.
I can admit now, that I own one pink shirt. One. I bought it because I liked the red pattern on the front of it and it wasn't frilly or lacy so that made it okay. It wasn't too girly.
And there's the nugget of this post, the little gem. It's not just a colour I was opposed to, it was every thing it represents: being "girly". Wearing frilly clothes with puffy shoulders and lace or sequins and ribbons. I was too comfortable in my jeans and t-shirts and sneakers or boots. I skipped the notion of girly when I was actually still a girl. In high-school I wore baggy clothes, it was extremely rare that people saw that I had a figure. It wasn't an issue with my body image, I was just comfortable and I didn't want any one to look down on me for being girly like I was doing to everyone else that was "girly".
That's awful. I know it.
In the last four years or so I've had very short hair. A hair style widely criticized in the media for not being feminine enough (as if it was our duty or as if short hair was the domain of men only) or immediately equated with being a lesbian by people with fewer than three braincells to rub together. I often wondered if I was being mistaken for a male, I don't have very large breasts, but I don't wear the baggy clothes anymore so at least people can see my curves if there was any doubt. Because of this gender ambiguity, I started a personal quest a couple of years ago: Project Girly. I was going to prove that I could still be me and look like a woman once in a while. See what all the fuss was about.
Project girly meant making a conscious effort to see what I'd missed out on all these years I spent pretending I didn't like girly things. I made a personal rule that I was going to wear a dress or a skirt at least once a week. At first people asked me if there was some special occasion, I got tired of just saying "because I feel like it" and explained Project Girly to those who asked persistently. I slowly built a wardrobe of "not pants". I even acquired a pair of high heels. My only pair. I managed to keep this up for a whole year. It wasn't too bad. When I was younger and I wore a skirt I usually couldn't wait to get home and put on some damn pants, but I wasn't wearing comfortable dresses or skirts. I know better now. I have a good collection now of not pants, and when I see a dress in a store that I like, I want to wear it and try to think of an excuse if it's really fancy.
There are so many ways women put each other down and throw out value judgements like they were disposable. We all have an idea of what women should be like. Regardless of where or how we acquired those value judgements they have no right being affixed to anyone other than ourselves. Women are just as guilty of slut shaming based on appearance as men are. The opposite is also true, I don't want to say how often I've felt pressured to try to look more like a woman, for once. We can either be dammed if we do or dammed if we don't when it comes to "looking like women". Or, and this might be a tough one for some to do, we can just be happy and comfortable in our skins and our clothes and not put anyone else down for being comfortable in their own skin and clothes.
Radical... I know, but not impossible.
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